Will Weighs In: How do I find the motivation to make money to earn a living?


Will Thompson, Staff Writer

Thank you for this question. This question gives me an opportunity to address something I have been wanting to get off my chest for a long time. You should not be motivated by any typical need. Love and success are shallow, compared to what I am about to tell you. I’m only 17 but I know the true need that everyone should aspire to in their lives. To answer your question, you should be motivated to earn a living just so, one day, you will be financially stable enough to purchase and raise an incredibly intelligent monkey to be not only your pet, but your best friend.

You might think this is ridiculous, or that I’m joking with you. Haha, No. I would never joke about something so important as this. Let me walk you through the thought process that everyone needs to have. Monkeys are reaching their stone age. They have evolved so far, that they are now using tools to complete daily task. Some little monkeys have been using spears they have fashioned to catch and eat fish. Some big apes have been seen to use rocks to slice up fruit and vegetables. Other tree-dwelling monkeys have been seen to harvest wood and create little monkey houses. By raising a hyper intelligent monkey, you have the ability to shorten their stone age and bring them right into the future.

Think about it this way. Our human stone age lasted around 2.5 million years. And we now know exactly what we did to get into the bronze age. You could easily take this monkey and teach it all the steps on how to get to the next age, therefore advancing monkey society millions of years ahead. In this monkey society, your intelligent monkey will have near god-like powers in comparison to the other monkeys. Seeing how religion will, no question, become a part of their monkey society, your monkey (I will name mine Arthur) will become the undisputed monkey messiah, making you a god in all monkeys’ eyes. Now that I’ve laid down these simple steps, I ask one question, What could possibly be better than becoming the monkey god?