My time in high school has been one full of ups and downs. Some days, I felt like I was on top of the world, while others, I felt like I had been run over by a semi-truck twice. Sometimes, I had to be peeled off the ceiling from being so happy, but sometimes, I had to be pulled from rock bottom. I came into high school with clear, set goals. Get good grades, challenge myself, and get into a good college. From the beginning of my freshman year to the end of my junior year, it felt like I was ticking off boxes of a structured itinerary. Go to a football game? Check. Get a date for HOCO? Check. 

However, while I was set on trying to live out my ideal “perfect” high school experience, I was missing out on it. Everything happened in a blur, and I always stressed over what would come next and never lived in the moment. Before I knew it, I found that I molded myself into a box of expectations for myself, and it was an impenetrable box that I couldn’t get out of. I always wanted more.  

It was at the beginning of senior year and college applications that I realized that the whole point of high school is finding out who I am and what I want, and to do that, I have to let loose and accept that not everything can be planned out. After this realization, I was able to enjoy my senior year. Yes, grades still mattered, but what mattered more to me was soaking up this last year with my class. I found myself enjoying the things that used just to be a checklist and the bumps, and what a bumpy ride this experience has been. 

I like to think of it as Monet’s Water Lillies. If I think of high school day by day, it’s messy and chaotic. But once I step back and view the past four years as a whole, it turns into something unique and beautiful. I’ve learned that it’s all about perspective, and in order for me to truly live in the moment and have the perspective I want, I had to release my expectations of myself and of high school.