The entire Seattle Prep student body can agree, the best lunch meal is fried chicken, or should we say was. In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the educational world, Seattle Prep has announced that it will be officially discontinuing its famously beloved fried chicken. This move has sent shockwaves through students, leaving them bewildered, betrayed, and—let’s face it —hungry.
When the lunch forecast had fried chicken on the menu, everyone knew it. Whether it was the line halfway out the door before class ends, or the stampede of footsteps down the stairwell, anyone on their way to fried chicken was a force to be reckoned with. Hence the reason this delectable food was discontinued.
The race to fried chicken was considered by many faculty members to be reckless and dangerous. Students would sprint through the halls, push fellow classmates down entire staircases, and barrel through the cafeteria in hopes to try the beloved lunch food. Nonetheless, when it comes to the safety of the students at Seattle Prep, every measure must be taken to ensure their well-being.
However, many students are coming to tears over this heartbreaking decision, “It’s like they ripped out my soul and put tofu in its place,” exclaimed Marin Flocchini 28’ known for her ‘extra crispy’ devotion to fried chicken. “What am I supposed to dip in the sauce now? A cucumber?”
Another student cried, “Why bother coming to school? Fried Chicken was my only motivation.”
Despite numerous efforts to bring it back, the school remains firm in its decision to eliminate the golden, crunchy masterpiece from the menu. “Fried chicken is just a symbol of the past,” said an anonymous cafeteria staff, who, it turns out, has never actually tasted the school’s delicious fried chicken. “We need to evolve. The future is healthy.”
While some parents have praised this decision, others have joined the rebellion. “My son’s grades have plummeted since they canceled fried chicken,” said an anonymous parent. “He was a straight-A student when he could get that crispy chicken but now, he’s failing math because he’s too busy daydreaming about it. Who knew fried chicken was the key to academic success?”
As tensions rise, experts predict the school could see a massive drop in attendance next week, as students might simply boycott cafeteria meals altogether. They are expected to seek refuge in nearby restaurants or the in the commons and, hopefully, find some beloved fried chicken that still remains plentiful, unchallenged, and still delicious.
In the meantime, Seattle Prep is offering counseling services to help students cope with this unprecedented culinary loss. But will that help them heal? Only time —and possibly a bucket of fried chicken —will tell.
